20 May 2013

"Breaking the Cocoon" - What is Pain Without Fear?

In Shambhala, there is a concept called "cocoon:" it's a familiar, enclosed environment made up of our habitual patterns.  It is stifling, constricting, dark - but it's what we know.  It's safe, even if it's smelly and awful.

I've worn my pain and my illnesses as my cocoon.  For many years, even those closest to me have "forgotten" that I hurt, that I'm tired, that I'm ill.  I've hidden, wrapped into the ever-repeating patterns that keep me separate from others, keep me from reaching out for support and assistance.  I've been terrified that if people knew I was sick - or how sick - they'd leave.  I've held onto my fears, used them to trap myself and ratchet up my pain by grasping, clinging.

This blog represents a fundamental shift in thought about what it means to be in pain, to be tired, to be fearless.  It's founded on the idea that sick and successful, pain and pleasure, exhausted and ecstatic are not mutually exclusive.  It is one warrior's response to chronic pain and complex medical conditions.

In the end, what I'm doing here is giving a voice to the complexities of my health, my treatment team, and the radical idea that I'm not hoping any given thing will work - or is the correct answer for me, even if it does. 

*****

Disclaimers, Intentions and "Fine Print":

* If you're new, welcome.  My sincere aspiration is that something in these pages inspires, uplifts, or connects for you.  If you also live with chronic illness or pain, I hope I can be a moment of respite and truth.  If you love someone in chronic illness or pain, I hope to provide some perspective on what that might be like.  But these are my experiences - yours or your loved one's may be very different, even if the condition (or combination of conditions) is the same.

* If we already know each other: regardless of what you may discover, I'm essentially the same person I was before you read it.  This changes what you know, is all. 

Be forewarned: this will likely change how you think, act, and spend time around me - at least for a while.  It's possible you'll deal with something akin to a grief process.  Please, don't read on unless you're ready to - make an informed choice about this.

* Some of the subject matter has the potential to be triggering.  I deal with a lot of complex social factors, and I recommend you read with caution.  Obvious triggering situations will be labelled as such, but we all have different things that get to us. 

* Much of my language (and indeed, thought processes) comes from a blend of Shambhala, Tibetan, and Zen Buddhist traditions; Stephen Covey's repertoire of books; a number of different productivity and organizing systems (primarily Leo Babauta, David Allen, and Dave Crenshaw); and smatterings of psychology, sociology, anthropology, and the broader wisdom/success literature.  You'll also find quite a few references to Joss Whedon's Firefly/Serenity

"No one has the corner on Truth." (Noah Levine, Hardcore ZenThese teachers are not perfect; that does not negate their wisdom.  I will also refer to the Spoon Theory, one of the best ways I've ever read on how to explain chronic health.

* I am not perfect either.   You will find references to things society deems unacceptable, especially given my health conditions.  I am "a person, actual and whole." (Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity)

* These conditions - all of them - are real.  I work with a full team of medical professionals.  While I am happy to discuss many aspects of this process, I will not accept commentary that implies my medical issues are illusory - I tolerated this for many years, and the damage is done.  

Corollary to the notion of my conditions being real, suggesting the latest (unstudied) treatment for anything is likely to be ignored. Your advice doesn't replace my doctors', and even they only get to advise.

* This blog will include links to a number of other businesses/vendors/places on the Internet. I am in no way compensated, unless otherwise stated. 

* I offer links and informal references where available.  I will use APA citation style when necessary, or when citing peer-reviewed research not available without subscription.  

With that, welcome.

Namaste,

Norbu Pamo ("Jewel Warrior")

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